You couldn’t make this stuff up!

A lesson in how not to greet small children and faint hearted others:

We had been enjoying a really leisurely Saturday, quite and uneventful; that is except for the large bird that flew into the lounge circled a couple of times before thankfully flying out the same way he had come in without crapping anywhere, oh and the cock fighting which was taking place at the temple on the beach just a few doors down at the end of our road. With the windows open I could hear the cries of the poor creatures, as bout after bout continued throughout the afternoon. Their pain made me shudder to my core, and forced me to close the windows, whilst I do not agree with this barbaric activity, I cannot interfere in their cultural beliefs.

“Baby Kat"butter would not melt in his mouth but a snake might”

As I listened to the last bike of the hoards of spectators roar away I re opened the windows and let in the welcome breeze; in doing so I heard the taxi draw up and the car doors open and slam, our friends from Abu Dhabi had arrived.

I call Chris my husband, to go and greet them while I finish off what I am doing in the kitchen. Upon opening the front door he is met by our 10 month old Bali cat, who is simply nick named “Baby Kat”, we will call him “BK” for expediency here; BK has a long and thin snake attached to his forehead; Chris barked my name, and I come running to see what on earth was up to see “BK” is standing in the front garden with the snake now in his mouth. “Get a stick or something quickly”, I disappeared inside and came back only moments later armed with a large golf umbrella.

Our friends Jenny and Steve are steadily ascending the steps with her mum and Dad and her two small children Kayla and Keira aged three and five respectively. They are being carried in the men’s arms on account of having fallen asleep in the taxi on their long hot journey.

They look up at me quizzically, and seem quite surprised to see my brandishing a large umbrella above my head. In the split second that I have turned my head to greet our bewildered guests, BK has used that precise moment to disappear with his prized snake. I rush back indoors only to met by BK who had run around the side of the house and in through the back doors. He had brought his live prize into my lounge, and upon seeing me promptly loosened his grip on it and dropped my gift onto the lounge carpet. The snake loses no time in seizing this opportunity to escape, and immediately flew underneath the nearest couch.

Still breathless and on high alert we usher our bemused guests in the direction of Chris office and out of harms way, but the mere mention of a snake had them all heading out the other door and towards the bottom of the garden and the swimming pool. With them at a safe distance or so we thought, Chris starts lifting each section of our incredibly heavy couch over so we can peer under, as each one is lifted in turn we watch in horror as the snake moves directly under the next one.

With that we are both startled by another cry; it is Keira who is absolutely terrified of all dogs. She is screaming at the top of her voice and running straight back to us in the lounge and right to where the snake is hiding with our Shizitu puppy “Gucci” hot on her heals. I leap over the couch to pick her up and take her back down the garden, and to the four petrified grownups!! Grasping Gucci by the collar and attempting to tie her up by the lead on the railings outside.

Chris meanwhile has gone and gotten hold a fire extinguisher; which he passes to me. So now armed only with this instrument I am instructed to drop it on the snake’s tail once Chris has cornered him. This we did quite easily as it happened, but it did not make the snake very happy at all; he reared his head up in anger and disgust, while Molly tried to get a better look at him and ascertain how poisonous he might be.   With his tail secure, Chris carefully manoeuvred  the snake holding him by the throat and wielding him with a pair of my cooking tongs; which were woefully too short for the job in hand, and into a plastic bag. (I made a mental note to buy some longer ones next time go shopping). On his command I was to lift the fire extinguisher off his tail and he would secure the plastic bag. I did not have time to consider the consequences of the snake doing a complete about turn and grabbing me by the oesophagus.

Anyway at last a happy conclusion all round and congratulation to Chris our snake catcher, and to a job well done. The snake was a bit battered and bruised for the experience, but still alive and intact and was now being unceremoniously despatched over the wall, and thankfully BK was none the worse for the snake bit to the head.

Now we can finally turn attention to our guests’ and greet our friends properly, and pacify their distort children, what a welcome to Reflections!

A Sunday whiff:

On Sunday we seemed to fare no better, but at least this time it was not life threatening or potentially dangerous.

We had more friends visiting us today Emma Alan and Thomas; they were over visiting the island from Australia and had just arrived for coffee late morning with us. Again, these were friends that we had not seen for years, since we had both left the UK for pastures new just over five years ago, so we had lots to catch up on.

I had no sooner offered to make the coffee when one of our new kittens “Miss P” short for” Princess Leia” our Bengal Tiger kitten knocked over a flower arrangement in the lounge. Flowers here in the tropics, as you may well know need to have the water changed on a  daily basis in order to stay fresh and keep smelling sweet. However, it was Sunday so all the staff had the day off, and so the water had not been refreshed.

So when the vase went careering over the rancid water went absolutely everywhere, and the stench was unbearable. It smelt as if one of the animals had just evacuated their bowels. Luckily enough for us our guests were blissfully unaware of the disgusting odour having been seated out on the patio. Molly bless her danced around with the air freshener to mask to putrid smell; had I not taken so long with coffee no one would have been any the wiser.

Monday morning madness:

We discover that the smallest of the Gracie’s is missing, she is the one that has been to hell and back with surgery and convalescing, and has not been seen since the cock fighting on Saturday, so now I am worried what has become of her.

Tuesday is buzzing:

We discover that we have an enormous hornets’ nest in the roof of reflections. It is so big that the pest control guys dare not disturb it during day light hours so are slated to come back after dark on Thursday evening.

When I arrive at school Molly is running towards me and informs me that she has been invited to a birthday party at Pizza Boy at 4.40pm.  She can go but has to finish all her homework first, so yet another extra hour ferrying her around before we can enjoy super.

That night  on my way to bed I notice that the bar fridge had iced up so badly that you would need an ice pick to extract a bottle of beer, I am sure a small person that also lives here has left the door open on more than one occasion, for the ice to be this thick.  I turn down the temperature and make a note to look for the defrosting instructions the following morning.

Wet Wednesday and Mouse about the House:

It’s too late for instructions; the fridge in its infinite wisdom has managed to defrost itself all on its own. As I paddle my way to the built in fridge I am greeted by a small lake that has now formed behind the bar, which is still pouring through my beautiful wooden cabinetry. I quickly start to create a dam using copious amounts of kitchen roll and kitchen hand towels as it slowly continues to melt.

Needless to say I leave Chris with the mess, and take Molly off to school.

While I am out, all hell lets loose. BK has brought home yet another gift he wants s to share with Chris. Today his prize is a live mouse, which he, you’ve guest it; deposits onto the lounge carpet. Being still alive, guess what?  It runs straight under the same couch as it is pursued by the Beagle, the Shizitu , BK and Miss P and Finn the two kittens. Same scenario as before, Chris is lifting each heavy leather couch in turn, whilst all the animals are amongst the fray along with the staff hopping about in the back ground.

Elly the Beagle eventually catches the mouse and darts out into the garden where she is pursued by the gardener and Chris. Chris eventually manages to prise open her mouth and rescue the little mouse that is still alive, but a bit battered and bruised by the experience. He is also despatched over the wall perhaps he may encounter a snake?

Before setting off on my daily beach walk, I remember to sort out the washing and put on my hand wash machine cycle. Upon returning I am horrified to find that my favourite taupe T-shirt purchased in Singapore (drat! or any other four letter expletive you fancy inserting) has turned bright orange in the wash with a tie dye brown blob in the middle of it, the culprit is a pair of Chris’s shorts arh………… but guess what?  His pure white shirt also in the same wash is still pure white, how the hell does that work? Please write to me with suggestions.

And a footnote note and thank you to my dear friend Elizabeth in reference to last Thursday’s wine tasting evening: a little of what you fancy does you good; too much of it makes you drunk….  Ha Ha.